So This Is It

I know it is over. Not just because I am not sorted, but because I am no longer an ideal match for you. My inconsistencies have proven me to be unreliable, dishonest, and unworthy to commitment. My negativity has dampened your happiness. Your words have gone wasted for years. Your spirituality has not spirited me and I have flown opposite of what we together once believed was the way. I have hindered your sense of purpose with my secrets and dishonorable way of living. I have slandered your name and have caused others to do the same.  I continuously drowned you to stay afloat. I’ve been hypocritical in my words and actions and have not been the friend to you, you have been to me.  My “sorry’s” have come and gone and come again. My unrealistic expectations, inconsiderate and unreasonable attitude has followed. I’ve met a level of selfishness I never thought I would.  A lot of your time, power, faith, influence, and love was thrown out the window along with myself. I understand, truly now, I do. When I am in the realm of you, I hurt and yearn but I also know and feel the deserved distance.

So here we are.

Our season has passed because of all these things and much more. You have given me every reason to love you and never stop. I understand I have given you every reason to stop and not look back in any time soon to pass. You will always be in my heart. I know I will survive in a part of yours, just have to work diligently to be better thus thrive in your heart stronger.

I will no longer waste my life. I will no longer blame you for never having wasted yours. I will be better than the past me, because selfishly I am close to settling my emotions for you. I am at the end of the road and choices have to be made. I can no longer continue to live with my current mentality; living in stagnancy; living in a realm where your my enemy. You never deserved to be out of my heart but you deserved to be out of my heart. I truly am not worthy of your “presence”. I acknowledge that I have played some positive roles in your life and I am not a “bad person”; I just also acknowledge that I shouldn’t be where I am at today with you in my life.

So this is it.

I accept my place because I worked for this “place”. I accept this place because only time now can reveal a better me. I accept our place because with who I am right now, we are not meant to be.

Everyday I am going to work towards something better; everyday I am going to work to change to be what we know I can be.

So this is it.

I love you.

So this is it.

It’s hard to face.

So this is it.

I pray to God for guidance.

So this is it.

I love you.

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