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Sometimes I just want to jump right out of this skin because negativity has colored coded me in.
I want to fuck when I’m in need, fuck to get over him, fuck to get to know me. I want to comfort my loneliness by being the beast.
Sometimes I want to punch, scratch, puncture, wound when I’m angry, jealous; full of envy. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Break every TV, computer; anything that when broken will match then release the chaos within.
I want to disappear.
I want to stab at my heart and die.
I want to be revived.
I want to smile not just with my mouth, but with my soul and my eyes. I want to fight my sleep at night, stretching each second that makes up my life.
I want to embrace others with every intent to fully give myself, yet hold the very most intimate as a gift for the counter-me.
I want to look in the sky and thank God for opportunity. I want to be at peace as hope resides in my vision, seeing only success, pure joy and happiness.
Sometimes I want to kill myself so I can start to begin. In reality I know once I die, I’m dead.
Its without haste, decisions are made. And a Love for myself that keeps me sane.
Powerful ending. That last sentence really inspired me.
Thank you. Im glad my emotional rants are relatable and inspiring. I tend to wander just how many people would see my site as more than negativity. I write to get clarity and release the toxins within… putting it out there so I can be seen,not just by others but also by me. Thanks again
I think what you have to say is interesting. I will be back.
Thank you Lissa. Your welcomed to see me pour out my soul…. Maybe provide insight or perspective …. Judgement… I’m just looking for truth within me and learning how to progress..you know 🙂
I wish I had been following you earlier. I can so relate.If dying were only a way to start again. But starting over is much more complicated than dying. The heart is like an open wound, rubbed daily with salt and iodine, srubbed until it’s raw, bleeding, and the sting seems never ending. How do you escape that?
There is no escaping. It has only resonated via time, unintended and unbelievably. There is alot to “my story” that of which you can fully understand, although my heart has been pulled from my chest, I directed the orders. I would love to talk with you more because you are absolutely right.. we do relate.